Monday, January 20, 2014

Indoor Track Torture

Can we please get this straight? Running 46 laps on a small track, in the same direction, dodging people/kids/balls/a random towel (really, what was THAT doing there?), is hell. No, it's not fun. Why do I do it? Well, the "dreadmill" is just as bad, and I can't stand that I feel like I'm not really doing ALL the work when running on a treadmill. It's propelling me forward (well, trying to ... I know it secretly screams, "come on, heiffer, my belt is dying from 'propelling you'"), and I get bored. Plus, if my treadmill isn't free (you know, the ones with the tvs? Because in any race, there will be a tv right in front of you ... *scoffs*), I get angry. Really angry. And it ruins my run.

So, brilliant idea girl, here, decided to start training while running on an indoor track. And God bless our local Y, but the indoor track is SMALL. Okay, they're all small, but this one feels infinitely small. Anyhoo, there is indoor track etiquette, so to speak, here, and it's posted in several different spots. What's funny is the very people who spend like, an hour, reading and deciphering and digesting the etiquette, simply forget everything once they get going. So, I've made up my own etiquette based on observation (as if I have anything else to do while running 46 laps):
1. If your child is downstairs playing basketball and has a break, please don't unleash him to the track upstairs. If he runs in the opposite direction, dribbling a basketball and nearly knocks over the 70-year-old woman who is there on doctor's orders, I may or may not pull the "adult" talk with him. If he's bored, he can sit and stare at his hands like I did when I was younger and had to wait on something/someone.
2. Ladies: If you're running and every third stride, have to run like you're riding a horse in order to discreetly adjust the fact that your running shorts are just too short ... wear longer pants. No, wait. Don't. It's kind of mildly entertaining for me, the girl running 46 laps, to watch you saddle-run every three steps.
3. Please bring your small children to enjoy the track. Family time is encouraged, especially when it comes to being fit and healthy. I do so myself. But, please, for the love, have a talk with them prior about etiquette. Running in opposite directions of everyone, stopping right in front of someone, playing bumper cars with fellow track goers, could cause your child to accidentally (or purposefully) get close lined.
4. Fellas: If you must use a corner to lift weights instead of the ... you know ... weight lifting area, please don't be swinging your kettle bell in my direction. I don't know you. I don't know how slippery your hands may be, or if you have a moment of weakness and accidentally let go. Just don't. Go back to your side, and let me run my 46 laps in peace.
5. Ladies: A casual saunter around the track, while hardly cardio advantageous, is most definitely welcomed. However, swinging your earphones around will tempt me to rip them out of your hands and throw them to the ball courts below. Also, can you not hear me coming? Sure you can. I'm huffing and puffing and crying and screaming, and yet, you casually saunter, conversing about Jimmy's recent gall bladder surgery, or what Susie posted on Facebook. Meanwhile, I'm all dodging people to get around, twisting my ankle and trying to look graceful.

I'm sure I'll be adding to this list ... so stay tuned.

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